Healing June 2021 Manifestation Mental Health Personal Stories

How trauma can be the catalyst to manifesting the life of your dreams

Living with a life-threatening condition all of her life and experiencing countless traumas and spiritual crises, Morgana has survived against all odds. Despite enduring years of abuse, suffering and searching for meaning, she is now not only surviving, but thriving and manifesting the life of her dreams.

An early traumatic childhood

I am anaphylactic to quite a number of things and I was really, really ill as a child. I actually missed six years of school altogether and each time I went back, all of the friendships had changed and so it was difficult to fit in. As a result, I was at home a lot; my parents were busy and it wasn’t at all like fun homeschooling – I spent a lot of that time coping with my illness.

My parents didn’t really approve of TV, and so the only thing I watched was David Attenborough or Star Trek, and I used to make lists of the different characters that I admired and the qualities that I admired about them. I would always try to anchor into these because it’s really easy to lose your sense of self when you’re not interacting with other people the same age as yourself. I learned some beautiful values from Star Trek and it gave me a way of creating a framework of whom I aspired to be that I could always return to no matter what changes occurred on the outside.

And there’s a lot of trauma in my family history. My mom had a very violent childhood and she didn’t have the healing needed to recognise or speak up about dangerous people coming into our home and into our lives. And so I went through a series of progressively worse experiences of abuse, including a very complicated long-term female abuser. Not only was this a really big infraction on my identity, but it also left me really wondering about the meaning of life and whether there was a God. And so I went from being what I would say a spiritual and very empathic child, to becoming very distraught, suicidal, and in true spiritual crisis.

Searching for meaning and purpose

When I was about 15 years old, I joined a Baptist church and very quickly became a young spiritual leader. I attended church 10 times a week and I was involved with absolutely everything the church was doing, including going on missions in Scotland.

Eventually, I was thrown out of the church for being a witch because I would bring in other spiritual lessons and tools that I was interested in and that had supported me. They literally gave me the choice to experience an exorcism or to leave the church. And this was purely from bringing things in as common today as aromatherapy – nothing even more mystical than that. And so I left the church when I was 17.

Looking back, I think some of the ideas that I had probably stemmed from my intuitive awareness of the divine feminine. This was something unknown to the typical 50-year-old men that generally lead in these organisations. After that, I went through a phase of exploration where I was part of a pagan society, I practised with a Buddhist group for a long time, and I was also involved with an Islamic Society. So I personally experienced and explored a number of different faiths alongside my spiritual research. I decided to pursue studies and went into psychology for a year, which I excelled in, but I realised that I didn’t align with the ‘psychology way’ of understanding people in the world. I was still in my own recovery at this point, trying to find a version of myself that felt whole. The first big part of my healing came when I became a stripper. I had a very damaged relationship with my body, along with years of shame, pain and eating disorders. I found that stripping was very, very cathartic for me. I experienced a new way of being in the world, and this also opened up my money mindset massively. My mom had always been an entrepreneur and I made my first independent money when I was three years old in a movie, and then I worked in her business at the age of seven. At age eight, I started my first business – a live animal business breeding pets – which I kept up until age 14. Stripping opened my eyes to a new kind of money. A bigger, more fluid, faster, more energetic and raw kind. It wasn’t about a rate per hour, but instead, it was about who I was and how I showed up in a relationship with others. That stayed with me forever.

I’ve always lived an extraordinarily full life, but keep in mind that I’ve lived with a life-threatening condition my entire life. So I really put my effort into experiencing different things.

Did you find that your relationships suffered because of your past experience with abuse?

Like my mom, I didn’t have the insight to turn away abusers when I met them. I married a very abusive man at age 22. We were only married for about a year before we separated, then divorced. I had another real spiritual crisis then because I always felt like I was a good judge of character and that I understood people really well. And yet he had lied to my face all day, every day about absolutely everything – his sexuality, his financial spending and debts – everything was a lie. And I thought, how could I have misjudged my own character so much that I thought I was good at understanding people? My mom was diagnosed with cancer at that point and so I moved back home to look after her. I ended up looking after her business, knowing it was the cornerstone of her identity and what the loss of it would cost her. And I also continued to do my degree, which I ended up passing with first-class honours.

The transformation within

Alongside my degree in Hispanic studies and archaeology, I then pursued a Master’s Degree in historical archaeology. In addition, I was a community journalist for the Red Cross and I was employed with the Criminal Injuries and Compensation Authority, working on the case files of Britain’s most violent crimes. My work here was incredibly taxing as it involved people’s police, medical and psychiatric case files, of which many of them were child victims. Every day I was confronted with the very worst of humanity.

I think part of the reason that my way of being changed so much was due to the experiential aspect – I have not just studied but have also experienced things first-hand. I’ve experienced multiple faiths from the inside. I’ve experienced trauma. I’ve also walked alongside people that had experienced severe trauma for a long time. I then did my PhD, and although I didn’t realise it at the time, I was creating a modality that I now use in my coaching practice. My drive was to understand identity and reality: how could my reality be so different from the realities of other people? For example, I was living in this reality of abuse, but nobody in my house even knew about it. Or I live in this reality of doing these, like 500 things at once and excelling at all of them, but others will struggle at just a few.

I think that part of the reason that my way of being changed so much, is the experiential aspect – I have not just studied things but have also experienced things first-hand.

Many people were living reality as a victim, something I saw with my experience in the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority. I was excelling in all of these things, but other people who had similar experiences to me developed agoraphobia and couldn’t leave their house, had panic attacks and posttraumatic stress. So it made me really think about, what is the difference? Why am I fortunate enough to be where I am, whereas other people are stuck in their homes and too afraid to come out?

I really, truly believe that it is the spiritual dimension that makes the difference. Because I’ve always been seeking wholeness, and I always understood that wholeness is available – we can always find it again. And so that’s what my business is really about: understanding how your identity and reality are emergent from the connections that you participate in. How that can create an amazing business that changes your life and others. If you participate in and are collaborating with the culture of violence, you will feel and experience violence in your life. Likewise, if you participate in the culture of love and beauty, then you can create that.

I ended up testing out this theory with a movement that I started because my department was under threat of being shut down. In just a few short weeks, we gained thousands of followers across 39 countries. I presented this case as an example of best practice at an international conference as well. We made a really big impact on the culture of our department that had positive outcomes for our university and even other universities, and other departments began to ask us how to recreate it for themselves.

Who do you actually help and what types of people would benefit from your programs.

The people I tend to help are entrepreneurs who have achieved a high level of healing and spiritual transformation, but may not realise how much more is available, or what it can do for their business. I help them to get from where they are, through the quantum leap to the next level. They may have been in business for five, or even sometimes ten or twenty years. I range from helping people right at the beginning of their journey all the way to seven or eight-figure entrepreneurs. But it tends to be people who are somewhat spiritually advanced in their journey. If I don’t think someone is ready, I would be inclined to tell them to go and try lots of different things and find what they really love. I’m rarely your first entry point into this world.

When I work with clients, we work holistically on their business, their spiritual evolution and their wholeness in their life. We’ll also look at how to balance and use all of these energies. If you think of it as kind of being like a plate – what mostly happens is that instead of it being nice and flat, where you can fill it up resulting in your life becoming richer, our culture has taught us to see things in another way and we end up ‘tipping over’ the plate.

For example, if I know/control everything, then I’ll have all the things I want. And so we tip the plate. And now we’ve got this culture of mass consumerism because we’re running everything through that channel of need-know-have. Ancient wisdom shows over and over that we should be running everything through the energy of trust and love, with Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine in balance. Our work is really about redressing that balance and coming into connection with incredible collaborators.

You can also picture this as a spider’s web – the nature of our culture is that we build out just one part of the spider’s web over and over again. This is especially true for women because speaking about our truth is really, really hard. So instead of speaking out, we just go back, again and again, thinking things like, “I’ll try a different approach”, or “I’ll just live with it for six more months”. And so the first part of the spider’s web is built up really, really strongly, and the other parts are ignored.

A huge part of the piece that I work on is perception. My PhD is really about perception in the deepest sense of the word, and really understanding not only the measurements but also the things that we measure – that everything we interact with and the way we interact with it is a cultural construct. It’s all a choice and we’ve been indoctrinated into thinking it’s reality. Then by taking absolutely everything back to recognise that there isn’t a truth that is whole and complete in culture because it’s always handled by people, and we immediately introduce human error and human elements. The only way that we have a chance to see truth is to see it spiritually and directly for ourselves. Experience it. And that’s what it’s about – to help people to meet themselves and see what they can be on a level where it’s undeniable to them, and where they’re unencumbered by the voice of the inner critic. This is where they have the capacity then to actually act on that potential.

Do you incorporate other modalities into your work as well?

I use many different modalities, but they’re all brought together for everything that I work on. For example, I look at different ways of experiencing creative states. Some of that is done through words, but also things like body movements or meditations. So I’m always bringing in these different elements. And in any given part of the work, people will need multiple ways, because I really, truly believe that we can’t create change just from thoughts alone. And it’s very much about work on both an energetic and a body level, and bringing all of those pieces together.

What results can you expect and how long does this take?

There tend to be some really, really big shifts straightaway. Very often, people have trauma and they don’t even realise it. This is because if it’s normal for you, you don’t even know that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. And so I tend to work very deeply and critically on that to start the deep healing process.

Before we can possibly begin to have a chance of building abundance, we have to actually feel safe in ourselves and be able to understand and recognise what true safety is and honour it for ourselves. Trauma is part of participating in culture. Culture cuts parts of the self off. There’s also working on shame. We have to work on shame because we can’t experience true belonging and true self-esteem if we’re feeling shame.

And finally, I also work with you to understand what your incredible skills are, and also to open up your experience of agency because you can have all the skills in the world, but if you don’t feel like you have the right to act, then these skills can’t do anything for you. And we need to do all of this before we even start to do any manifestation. But as I mentioned before, I tend to work with people that have the capacity for an extraordinary leap. And so if the person is the right fit for my offer, they should be able to make rapid and extraordinary changes in one or more areas of life and business. But what I disagree with is when people make claims that manifestation or abundance can come instantly or easily. Every result emerges from the specific network of connections that make up an individual life. So imagine that spider’s web – if those connections are all broken or really loose, it behaves completely and totally different than if you’ve got a pristine and tight spider’s web that’s fully intact. It’s out of integrity to claim that this person who has half a string of web can get the same result as the person who’s got a complete web. Of course, the latter can catch the fly. The former one can’t catch it yet – they need to learn how to spin their web first, that’s all. It sounds impossible, but it’s a spiritual birthright. We’re all weavers of reality, here to become who we really are.

To find out more on how you can learn to manifest your dream life, career, family and more, contact Morgana for a free discovery call today.

Click here to read Morgana’s articles:

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Morgana McCabe Allan
Morgana McCabe Allan

Facebook: @morganamccabe
Instagram: @morganamccabeallan

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